There were two people in the theater during the screening of Terminator: Salvation I attended. Two fucking people, and I was one of those people. I now have suicidal ideation, panic attacks, and night terrors and I fear that I will never recover. McG has proven once again that while he may not be a capable director (except for the Charlie’s Angels movies, which I totes less than three*), he is a competent and willing agent of the fucking apocalypse.
Three things:
1. Salvation makes me feel like Terminator 3 gets a bad rap sometimes. Seriously, Rise of the Machines is not that terrible. Not especially good, either, but Terminator: Salvation gives your life some new perspective via which you can reevaluate things.
2. I don’t know what happened in the final 15 minutes or so of the movie because I actually fell asleep. I wasn’t particularly tired. I think I just wanted the movie to stop.
So yeah.
3. The lone other person in the theater absofuckinglutely loved this shitty movie. I stood up to leave and he looked at me, made the sort of excited gesture that a frat guy might make if you asked him if he liked doing keg stands and said, “Bro, didn’t that Kick Ass? Fuck yeah!” I felt like I wanted to hug him (the same way you have an urge to coddle a defenseless and incapable animal) and punch him at the same time.**
If you’re thinking of going, just watch this instead:
* “totally love,” I think. Or something about gloves and math.
**This is how wrestling was invented.
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I actually fell asleep several times during the first 2/3 of the thing because there were about five or six different storylines that I just didn’t give a damn about.
This movie really didn’t need to be made. At all. Ever. But, at least it proves that, although Bale might be a pretty good actor, he’s not made for these kind of movies…there’s no reason for John Connor and Bruce Wayne to be indistinguishable.
I think it says something about a movie when the best part of it was filmed 25 years ago.