If you are my fake internet friend on Facebook, you may have seen the commentary on a recent change in my relationship status immediately turn to talk of vampires, culminating in exclamations like “Vampire Rock Band!” that are very funny basically only to me and the person leaving that specific comment.
There is, as might be guessed, a story behind the vampire thing. Since I seem to be on a trip down memory lane lately, I figure I might as well share it.
1994
So I’m dating this girl from a rival marching band. We were a competitive band, which meant that we would pack everything up after football games and head off to a band competition. Which meant that my weekend socialization was limited to my fellow band kids and band kids from other schools. She was weird and cute and played the clarinet. We didn’t see each other much – mostly just on weekends because of band shows – but we talked a lot, made out a little, et cetera. It was pleasant and frivolous.
Then she called me at 2am one night and told me she was a vampire.
I. Shit. You. Not.
She said that she didn’t want to scare me, and knew it was a lot to absorb. Which, when you think about it, was really splendid of her. But that she wanted me to know, and she hoped that it wouldn’t affect my opinion of her, because she totally liked me.
I told her I would call her the next day, because it was 2am and I was not yet the caffeine addicted night owl I am today.
I never called her again.
Not, mind you, because I think that vampires are real. And even if I did, I didn’t buy that she was one. She didn’t mention freesias or threaten me one time. Also, and this is important, I had lunch with her earlier that day. As in, in the sun. No, it is because people who believe that they are fake things are bound to be incredibly more dangerous than the real thing itself. Even in my youth and naivety, I still knew that not all crazy was hot; sometimes, crazy was just crazy.
So, yeah.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for sharing this, my fake internet friend, as it does clarify some of the missives that were flying around on Facebook recently.
However I must sadly inform you that I find this tale unsatisfying and lacking in closure, like many from real life.
Although you were undoubtedly a cad for not calling the lady in question back, I do wonder what happened the next time your rival marching bands met in competition. Did you take a crucifix just in case? Did she shy away from the sunlight reflecting off the brass instruments?
Or did you perhaps hear a tap-tap-tapping at your bedroom window one night only to realise that your bedroom was on the second floor and the tapper had to be floating?
Inquiring minds want to know.
I would be much obliged if you could put some effort into tracking down said lady to find out if she does indeed practice vampirism today, whether it be due to a biological need, mental instability, or a yearning for the cold, dark embrace of undying love which sharing her habits would surely bring.
I await with bated breath your follow-up on this so that I can feel some sense of resolution.
I can post about this tomorrow and call the post “The Twilight Saga: New Moon.”
I avoided her whenever possible, Rich. It was easier than you might suspect. I think she took the hint reasonably well. Until I went to college, which is when I next heard from Vampire Girl.
Excellent – I look forward to the sequel then! :)