Karma

For higher beings like God, Mother Earth, elemental spirits, the ghosts of your ancestors and/or former members of Menudo (whichever you worship personally), time isn’t linear.

Shit, is this a metaphysics blog now?

The only reason I bring this up is as a capstone to the New Year’s Eve of Many Pratfalls that I alluded to in my last post. How I could I be so clumsy and uncoordinated, you might ask, and I’ll tell you that it was karma. Karma for something I hadn’t done yet, something I was about to do.

After both of my spectacular falls had occurred, I was walking down the street when a friend started singing that Taylor Swift song about “the cheerleader and in the bleachers,” as Kanye West described it in his once-infamous, back when people on Best Week Ever still made jokes about this topic, non-apology. Because I have less comedic acumen than the cast of Best Week Ever, however, I went for the easy joke and summoned up a Kanye wisecrack. My friend had never heard of Kanye West (do not make fun of my friend in the comments; we should all be so lucky) and wanted to know who he was and so I did what my heart told me to do…I lied.

Kanye West, I told her, is Taylor Swift’s boyfriend.

This was, of course, followed by so many more questions, which I answered with mounting implausibility.

West became the bass player in the backing band of the Jonas Brothers. That was, I volunteered, how he and Taylor met.

West is such a gifted songwriter and bassist that he is known as the “black Paul McCartney.”

He is planning on starting his own band as a side project, called Kanye Wings.

The ruse lasted for ten minutes, because absolutely nobody could keep enough of a straight face to back me up.

Tagged as: Existential Angst, Random