Scenes from my Morning Commute, October 11, 2011

by Jeff on October 11, 2011 · 3 comments

in Things I Hate

1. A used U-Haul truck which has been de-identified. The sides and rear door of the truck featured a crude logo made from what appears to be black electrical tape in an irregular, erratic-looking typeface.

It read “The Gutter King”. I understand that The Gutter King probably is just a regular guy who cleans gutters professionally, but I think it’s a pretty even bet that you’ll open up the back of that U-Haul and see magnetic racks holding all manner of knives to the walls and a rusty dentist’s chair bolted to the middle of the floor.

If you have never been fully conscious but still wondered if you were in a nightmare or, perhaps, a Clive Barker story, you have never seen this truck.


2. It might be a campaign sign. It only says ‘MOLLY’ in Futura and contains a gigantic QR code. I would have snapped a picture or tried to see what the code did, but it was inconvenient for me, as I was driving a car at the time that I saw this sign, which was placed along the side of a roadway.

Again, there are possibilities. First, it could be a personal message for Molly. A marriage proposal, a threat, something entirely different. Maybe when you scan that code, it’s a giant middle finger. Or, it could be exactly what it looks like – a campaign sign. That doesn’t mention the last name of the candidate or the office she’s running for. Which is such an awful marketing strategy that it’s almost an excellent marketing strategy. It’s still dumb as hell for at least two reasons, first of which is that Ashley, PA is not the most tech-savvy community, closely followed in second place by don’t put a sign that people need to take a picture with their cell phones to interact with on the side of a busy road where someone taking a picture with their cell phone while driving might kill some people.

3. A car seat, empty, sitting upright on the shoulder of the road. In a dense fog.  Look, I know it’s October and Creepytimes Abound or whatever, but that can’t be real. That’s some kind of performance art nonsense. That’s staged. Please tell me it’s staged.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Jason October 14, 2011 at 12:01 am

Dude, are you sure you live in PA/NJ? Because all those scenes you just described aree straight outta Silent Hill man.

Harold October 26, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Heh. It’s a campaign sign. Molly was quite proud of this hip new ad campaign, which makes use of them new smart phones what all the kids have. I pointed out to her that I just have a “dumb” phone, so I feel all sorts of left out.

Come election day, you’ll see there’s only one Molly on the ballot. You may not vote for her, but you’ll remember her sign!

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