From the category archives:

Things I Hate

31 Days of Terror: The Spirit Trap

10 March 2010

During March, I will be reprinting select horror movie reviews from Conditional Axe as that blog nears the end of its lifespan.  A best-of collection that will extol the virtues of the genre as well as excoriate Tom Sizemore, Nicolas Cage and Uwe Boll.  Today’s post is originally from January 2007, and was originally entitled [...]

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31 Days of Terror: Day of the Dead (2008)

7 March 2010

Never see this movie.

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31 Days of Terror – Amityville Horror (2005)

6 March 2010

The trend in remaking 70s horror has been one of beautification, like reclaiming a neglected park except for movies where people get stabbed.  Sometimes, it can help by making the movie more accessible. Sometimes, it paints over the gritty or moody, evocative stuff that was the most effect part of the film in the first [...]

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31 Days of Terror – Dead Snow

3 March 2010

Dead Snow is a Norwegian film about a group of vacationing medical students who get attacked by Nazi Zombies.  It swims in cliche’  like Scrooge McDuck swims in money, has atrocious make-up and practical effects and never seems sure whether it wants to play it all for laughs or not, but it is awesome, you [...]

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31 Days of Terror – Killer Movie

2 March 2010

Hey, kids, want to satirize the reality TV craze a few years too late and miss the point of doing so entirely?  Yeah? Then you should watch Killer Movie as a primer in how to pull off such a terrible idea. Yeah!
Making a horror film in and around the set of a reality TV show [...]

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Winter Storm Warning

24 February 2010

HOLY SHIT BUY BREAD AND MILK! IN THE FROZEN WASTELANDS OF THE APOCALYPSE TO COME, THE ICE WANDERERS WHO TRAVERSE THE APPALACHIAN DRIFT WILL KILL FOR MILK AND BREAD, RISKING FROSTBITE AND DEATH ITSELF TO NOURISH THEIR COLD-BLASTED BODIES WITH STALE CRUSTS AND THICK, VITAMIN-D-ENRICHED LIFE NECTAR.  MILK AND BREAD! GO NOW OR THEY’LL BE [...]

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Earl Grey And Pandora

18 February 2010

I haven’t seen Avatar yet. Judging by its box office take to-date, I’m in the minority.  I know people who have seen the movie as many as six times (half in 3D and half in 2D, to “really absorb the difference”).  There is a subset of moviegoers who reportedly suffer from depression because Pandora, the [...]

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An Open Letter To Carolyn

16 February 2010

Dear Carolyn,
My name is Jeff. I don’t think you know me. Certainly, I have no idea how you got my phone number. You might have misdialed, Carolyn. Someone might have even given you the number in error.  Whatever the genesis of the misunderstanding that occurred between us last night, Carolyn, I want you to know [...]

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In Brief

12 February 2010

I’ve been asked by a couple of readers to weigh in on the Captain America brouhaha, wherein the tea party movement and Fox News have bullied Marvel into issuing a public apology for depicting a tea party protest in the most recent issue of Captain America, basically with the insinuation that the protesters were being [...]

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Five Awesome Things About The Super Bowl

8 February 2010

Go Saints, and all, but the really awesome things about last night’s game have nothing to do with football.  As anybody off the street knows, the real story of the Super Bowl is the ads, some of the most expensive spots on TV each year and the result of millions and millions of dollars in [...]

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